Not Easy, But Always Worth

Good morning and happy Wednesday to you all! So since last week I’ve finally started lifting. Only small plates right now, but I’ll be honest, it’s kind of addicting! I’m always looking forward to arm day, though tomorrow may be a different story since we’re spending the entire day at an amusement park, but hubby insists he is still going to the gym after. I just say we’ll see how we’re feeling, though it is set to rain tomorrow which I am bummed about. Aside from that, I’ve lost half an inch on my hips and a full inch on my thighs which is awesome. But me being me, I work out a couple days and expect to see results, and get disappointed when nothing is there, or rather, everything is still there… After the last time I rage quit, though, I promised myself that I would be rational about it this time. If I’m working out and building muscle, there is no way I can stay the same forever. My body is f’ed up and so it may take longer, but better late than never, right?

The other new thing is I started trying MCT oil (Medium Chain Triglycerides) . I was really nervous about trying it since I am severely allergic to coconut, but since it’s pure fat, it’s been so far so good with it… At least in the allergy department. Here’s the thing about using MCT for the first time, and this will be TMI but you need to know if you’re going to try it, when starting, it can cause bad stomach cramps and terrible diarrhea (is there any other kind, though?) for the first few days. It also gives me a tinge of a scratchy throat for a few hours after drinking it, but the things I’ve found online say that this should all go away as my body gets used to it. Which, the only thing I still deal with is the scratchy throat, thank god. And if it works the way it’s supposed to for me, I will be looking at a quick energy source, help with muscle building, reducing fat storage, and help burning more calories faster, as well as:

Unfortunately, I have a problem getting my needed calories per day at the moment. I was getting to know what I needed at a resting rate, but now with my job and hitting the gym 4 days a week, I’m eating about 500 calories fewer than my body needs, since I average around 1100 a day out of habit. So my challenge for the week is getting over my mindset of eating less, and get some food in this body for fuel. Don’t want my body eating the muscle I’m working so hard to build, now do we? So on that note, I’m going to go figure something out for my first meal of the day since my lemon water is almost done now. Have a wonderful day and keep up the great work!

I’m Up and Down?

Good morning everyone! So good news is that I’m much more emotionally stable this week. There was just so much happening last week leaving me stressed and running on a deficit of both sleep and quality time with my husband which for my personality type is a devastating event. But now I’m all rested up (thank God), going through my cycle (THANK GOD), and getting mentally prepped for working the next 7 days in a row. It’s what I really needed. Other good news includes that, while I’ve only lost 2 pounds from what I’ve gained, my measurements are back to the low numbers with even a half inch more gone from my hips! But this baffles me. I will lose 5-6 pounds, watch my inches drop, then my weight shoots up again, but my measurements stay the same. What I’m assuming happens is a combination of the fact that I’m building muscle which weighs more than fat, but ends up burning the excess fat as you work it, and water retention on days I don’t drink enough, and lately that has been pretty much every day. So to remind you and myself once again…

Now, on top of working a somewhat physically demanding job, hubby and I signed up for a trial period at a local gym and he wants to start tonight. This means that I have to find a way to amp up my protein intake, because guess who’s goal it is to start lifting? Yep, mine. Best way to burn fat and tone up. But I have to say, the last couple days I’ve liked what I saw in the mirror, though that’s not going to sabotage my journey because I know from experience, as soon as my hormones fluctuate in a negative direction, the tears are going to flow and I’m going to be reaching for the bread… Sabotage. So to aid my process, I’ve been thinking more and more about trying those “It Works” wraps. My whole life I’ve heard negative things about using wraps for weight loss since they are just supposed to move the water weight to a different area and then after a time, it settles right back to where it was. But my friend (who doesn’t sell them, mind you) swears they work and she’s seeing a difference, so why not? It’s like a $50 investment to try them out, plus they also sell a natural drink enhancer filled with vitamins and probiotics which is something I’ve been looking for to add to the keto lifestyle. So if I have enough money leftover this paycheck (bills are a bitch), I’m going to see about trying these puppies.

On another new front, my mom has been talking to me about the addition of more fermented foods into my diet since the kombucha has been a miracle for my body. Apparently, studies are showing that adding certain fermented foods (and no, alcohol isn’t on there…I checked) to your diet not only helps with weight loss, but are full of the good bacteria that helps fight things like UTIs, yeast infections, and even diabetes. I knew about the benefits of this from kefir and yoghurt, but both are either way high in sugar, filled with the poison that is artificial sweeteners, or just plain unappealing to the taste buds. What I didn’t know is that fresh sauerkraut is low carb friendly, and holds the same benefits as the aforementioned foods. I used to love canned sauerkraut, though the tang of it would get me sometimes and ultimately kept me away from it for years. But recently on a trip to Aldi grocery store, my mom found fresh in a glass jar sauerkraut and told me to get some as well. I did (along with some beef sticks there because 0 carb is where it’s at), and oh man. It’s amazing. No overpowering tang you get from the metal canning process, just sweet, fermented goodness. I encourage you to try it if you can find it.

So that’s about it for my post this week. If you have any questions or feedback, let me know! Same if you’re needing encouragement on your own journey. We got this! Have a wonderful week.

Even My Coffee Sucks Today

I’m sorry about last week! We were moving and ever since the move it’s been non stop. Also, since the move, I have felt like a complete raging bitch. You know those days where you feel like everything is wrong? And everything that goes wrong just makes you want to scream and sob and just go be by yourself? No matter how seemingly small the thing is. That’s been me, and I’m trying so hard not to take it out on people, but I know I’m not hiding my frustration at all. It’s a combination of many things, I know. We ate like shit through the entire move and are still having a hard time getting back to it (haven’t been grocery shopping since before the move), I’m going to start soon and my hormones are completely unbalanced, and we haven’t had down time for two weeks. I’m talking no sleep, no relaxation, and “me time”. On top of that I absolutely hate the new apartment, and I’m currently sitting in the waiting room of the icu 3 hours from home because my husband’s grandfather had a heart attack two days ago. Just add the stress on…

As close a representation of how I feel. (Explosion, by Mario Sánchez Nevado) https://iamnotfatblog.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/wpid-23c365f6af44dd8272a6b5fd1d1f9938.jpg”>

So basically, I’m stressed out, stress eating, and, well, crying a lot. I gained back the pounds i lost, bringing me back to 230 which pisses me off. But thankful I didn’t gain more thanks to my active job and after work activities. But I’m typing all this on my phone, so once I get home I’ll try to post something better. It may not be until next week, though. Hope your lives are going better than mine at the moment.

I Can Do it All By Myself…I Think

So I completely failed at the while ‘staying off the scale’ thing this week. But the good news is that I’m down a pound and another inch off my waist from last week even after enjoying a day with my husband at the beer and BBQ festival here! That and adding rice to like every meal for a couple days. But Despite that, I seem to be on a downward trend which is the most exciting thing. What’s not exciting is the pants that were starting to fit without squeezing the stuffing out of me (though if it literally squeezed that out, I’d call them miracle pants) went through the wash and now are trying to kill me again.

The more I wear them, though, the better they get, so it’s all good. But, if my pants don’t kill me, the antibiotics I’ve been on might… I swear, with prescription medicine you just trade one bad thing for another. I have been having the worst stomach pains this last week with these pills, and I feel like I have seen the bathroom more than I have seen my husband since this whole thing started. And while I would have loved to treat this thing naturally, nothing I was doing was working. Thankfully, though, I took my last one this morning, so thank God that shit is done and I can start up my kombucha regimen again to refill the good bacteria in my tummy.

Now I’m just waiting until we get settled in the new place next week to start experimenting with making my own kombucha. It’s a little scary to me, since you’re dealing with fermentation of foods. The last thing i want to do is make myself sick, but the second to last thing I want to do is continue to spend $3/bottle/day on my current solution. That equates to over $1000 a year on just one bottle a day. Yes, it’s well made, and yes it keeps me from messing up and hurting myself, but that’s never stopped me from DIYing things before (much to my hairdresser’s dismay I might add).

So I’ll be spending some time doing research on how to ferment your own kombucha, as well as reading the dos and don’ts from the seasoned pros. And of course, you’ll know about my new venture as it’s happening.

Other than that, I’m just trying to stay unstressed. Our calendar is booked solid until the beginning of July, and that will probably change here soon with people changing positions at my job leaving us short handed. But no worries. I enjoy the fast paced life. That and I’ve actually started working out which is helping so much. I joined the softball team at work and the practices are killing me, but in the best ways. So until next week, keep being awesome everyone!

We’re Going Down Down and Sugar We’re Going Down Swinging

Alright lovlies! I am back, have nice little antibiotics raging through my system, and couldn’t be happier. Guess who’s managed to get back down to 226 as of this morning? Yep! Me. This is where I left off after the Clean, Shape, Burn then started gaining back once I added things that weren’t just veggies and peanut butter. I was so confused, but in reality there was no way that that program was giving me a lifestyle I could follow. So after nursing (and honestly a lot of splurging) my body back to a good state, even if it was half the weight I lost back, I got back to Keto. And it’s been paying off! Even drinking daily cranberry juice which is like 40 carbs for one little unsweetened bottle I’ve managed to lose a total of about 4 pounds since last Wednesday. And yeah, I know, I pulled the scale out again. I’m not proud of this addiction, but I really am trying to break it. I’ll see if I can make it through the weekend without weighing again, though. Ugh, that’s gonna be tough since I’m on a downward trend!

But no worries, it’ll all be okay. Plus, even though I had to miss two days of work being couch bound, I am at least extremely well rested and ready for my entire weekend of work now, so silver lining. I can’t think of much else to report, though. However, this time last year I weighed 250 pounds (which is utterly depressing to me, but I’ve learned why), and in a year’s time I’ve collected to much information about my body and how it runs, and gotten rid of 24 pounds to date. Six more, and I’ll be at where I was for our wedding last November, and anything past that is the lightest I’ve been since before college. I am stoked to be on this journey of healing, and I am so glad you’re on it with me. If there’s anything you all need for support in your own journey, please let me know, and I’ll do what I can! Have a wonderful week, and I hope to have even better reports for you then!

My Promise Land of Cream and Honey

Well good morning! So the news is that I’m another inch down on my waist but that’s about it for this week. I haven’t been eating the best, which normally wouldn’t be such a big deal, but the store has been out of my kombucha recently which has led to some nasty stomach aches for me this week. So headed to the store to pick up a few necessities before I have to work tonight. Speaking of work, I’m so torn right now. My dream job came available a couple days ago, and while I doubt I’d get it, I feel like I should still apply, except I am absolutely in love with my current path. Either way I believe I could be happy, but with the new opening I would be in a very fast paced, hour heavy job that finally utilizes my major, which my current job keeps me active with enough time to do my own art on the side when I feel like it. So I’m just praying about it, but again, there’s about a 1% chance I’d get it anyway, so no real stress.

As for these stomach aches, though, I have no idea what’s bringing them on. It was so bad the other day, when I bent over to grab something at work, I was convinced I was going to throw up right there and then. That is extremely unusual for me, but there was this rock like feeling in there for a few days. Not okay. I really need my kombucha *sad face*. Aside from that, I’ve recently been trying replacing my shampoo with raw honey and conditioning with apple cider vinegar. It’s been interesting. My dead ends are virtually gone, my hair feels much softer, but it feels like my dandruff has increased which is the opposite of what’s supposed to happen. You see, as stylecraze explains in their article at stylecraze.com/articles/amazing-benefits-of-honey-for-hair-growth/

• Honey also comprises of antibacterial and antiseptic qualities too. This prevents our scalp from infections or psoriasis and tends to keep our scalp clean and bacteria-free. This also keeps us away from dandruff and itchiness on your scalp.
• If your hair is dry or increased pollution and direct exposure to sun as made them lifeless, then use of honey can bring back that lost sheen and shine of your hair.

And it can help increase hair growth as well, which I think I’m seeing happen, though my hair is at a length that it’s hard to tell because it’s already long. So I like it, plus I know I’m not risking adding more chemicals to my body in my hair products, and it has been bringing out the curl in my hair. It’s exciting.

Now, since this *is* a weight loss blog, here’s my favorite recipe this week. I went to Target for groceries the other day, and discovered that they are now selling lamb in their meat section. I love lamb. And according to the blood type diet, it’s beneficial for me (B+ blood), so I picked up a couple packages of lamb leg for, I kid you not, $1.60 a package. I figured it was a miscalculation so I picked up two to give it a go while it was cheap and it came out amazing. I put all 8 pieces in the slow cooker after rubbing them in lawry’s salt, then covered them in red wine, and added rosemary and thyme with half a lemon. Then I grabbed a bundle of asparagus from the fridge, snapped the ends off, and layered them on top, drizzling them in a balsamic vinegar and sprinkle of pink sea salt. Cooked that for 4 hours, and as it came to an end, I made this mock Olive Garden white sauce.

• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 stick of butter
• 2 tbs cream cheese
• 1 pint heavy cream
• 1 cup parmesan
• salt and pepper to taste

Just add everything to a sauce pan over medium heat and stir until combined. This was honestly the best meal I’ve made in quite a while, and plan to make it again soon, plus that cream sauce is great for the fat intake on keto. That and it’s f’ing delicious. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! And to answer your question, no I have not tried those work out DVDs yet… I have not had the energy at all to get myself to do any more than my job already requires of me, but I promise to give it a go this week. Until then, have a fantastic time, and love yourself.

I’m Losing…Inches!

Hi there everyone! What a week. We went back to St Louis for mother’s day, hit up food truck friday while we were there, and spent a lot of time with those two friends I set up (and yes, they’re doing great!). Mother’s day Sunday we ended up eating so much, but I a proud to say that even though we stuffed our faces at three different events, everything (almost) was on the diet. The only thing I went off a bit on was at my friend’s birthday with a few chips (so I could try the home made guac), and a spoon full of this like apple salad thing? So really nothing bad at all, and everything was so good everywhere we went. Mmmmmm.

And it’s been nice not weighing myself everyday. I’m realizing just how much guilt I feel when I eat anything. Mostly when it’s off diet, but it’s kind of overwhelming, and I’m doing that to myself! No wonder it’s so hard to lose weight! I eat to keep my body going, but am unconsciously releasing stress hormones just *because* I’m fueling my body. So I just need to calm down, and know that it’s ok if I eat things I’m not ‘supposed’ to. True, I shouldn’t choose the foods that hurt me, because as I said last week, that is me consistently poisoning my body with the excuse that “it’s not that much poison”. But that anti fungal diet was way too stressful. I don’t eat that much sugar in the first place, but the little I do is a bit of a treat for me. And when I say little, I really mean that. So this is one thing that my doctor has asked of me that I will not be doing (aside from using natural methods for birth control. I’m sorry, I am not disciplined enough to do all that it takes to not get pregnant without the pill and this lady is not at all ready for babies at this time).

That being said, I measured myself last Wednesday to I would have something to base my success on that was not the scale, and I’m happy to say that since last Wednesday I have lost two inches off my back/chest, one and half inches off my waist, and an inch off my hips. That is so much more satisfying than flexing numbers. I also wore a pair of 13/14 jeans last week, and while they were squeezing the bajeezus out of me, they fit, and it’s exciting because this is a band that tends to run small on me. So I’m going to keep up with Keto, and I even bought “The Keto Beginnings” book from Leanne (The Healthful Pursuit girl) to get some more advice on how to do a dairy free Keto diet. Exciting news is that my mom has committed to the plan after seeing how much my husband has lost, which is about 40 pounds since last summer. He’s amazing, and I want to be like him when I grow up!

So that’s about it for this week’s post. I’m okay and I’m on my way. My work gets me moving, but I’ve decided I want to start weight training if I can. It’s an area I have no experience in, so I would like to hire a personal trainer, but we absolutely have no money to that, so I have to settle for finding videos at the local library to get me on track. Thankfully, there is quite a selection. I picked up a couple ballet toning dvds while I’m waiting for the kettlebell dvd to come in, so I’ll let you know what I find on these next week! Have a fantastic week, and remember to make good choices, but don’t beat yourself up if you fall short. Until next Wednesday!

A Weeks Worth of Blogging

Hello my friends! It feels like it’s been forever and a day since I blogged last. This whole once a week thing is going to take some getting used to. But it’s given me some time to reflect on some things I have noticed myself doing. The biggest thing is self sabotage in my health. I’m not alone in this either, and it’s a huge problem. Whether your mindset be that you worked out hard. so you deserve an unnecessarily large dinner or that king size candy bar, or rather what I myself do, which is noticing a trend of losing weight and reasoning that one ‘bad’ meal that I’ve been craving won’t hurt too much. But that’s the problem. I have become okay with hurting myself at all, and reason that it’s not that much, so I shouldn’t care. But here’s the thing… I SHOULD CARE! Knowingly eating things that I know hurt my body is like knowingly drinking poison with the thought process of “well it’s not a big enough dose to kill me, so it’s ok”. That is literally what I do when I eat that pizza that I can’t get out of my head because my body has an addiction to the poison.

So how am I fixing this, you ask? First off I am going to do the hardest thing I can imagine… I am going to stop weighing myself. In the past, I have weighed myself daily (most days I weigh anytime I go to the bathroom, meaning multiple times a day), to see how food I ate effected my body. And, in the past, this has been extremely useful. This method helped me to learn what foods were causing plateaus (like dairy) and which ones were actually causing weight gain due to inflammation (like quinoa, pinto beans, and a whole list of other foods). But now I know the foods I can and cannot have and weighing is just an addiction. It’s something that takes me on an emotional roller coaster where I feel horrible about myself when I’m up, and feel the ease to self sabotage when I’m down, putting me in a vicious cycle.  So for the next 30 days, my doctor wants me to go on an ‘anti fungal’ protocol, meaning, and this is surprisingly hard for me, no alcohol. I love wine. Every Sunday night, a friend and I split a bottle and watch Game of Thrones and have girl time. It’s only a month, but I’m honestly surprised how bummed out I am over this fact. And while I am going to do my best to follow this, there is one thing I will not give up, and that is coffee. This is one food that is still completely misunderstood, and as the years go by, more and more things are coming out about the benefits of the bean. Not to mention, it is a staple of my diet, since I am back on Keto and start my days with a  dairy free, bulletproof coffee. If you’re wondering what my next 30 days are going to look like, here you go:

Now, I said I realized there were multiple things that I have realized about myself in the past week. The other thing is that I have realized through my life, I have suffered an almost body dysmorphic problem. I go through phases of so much self loathing and when I picture myself in my head it is so much worse than I actually am. It’s almost a relief to look in the mirror sometimes and realize I’m not a huge monster with a giant belly and sumo arms. I have weight to lose, yes, but I seem to be the only one who sees myself in such a bad light. Well, me and the 12 year olds on Reddit whose horrible comments led me to start this blog (https://iamnotfatblog.wordpress.com/2015/01/15/a-little-background). In any case, it is a daily struggle to remind myself that I am beautiful, the scale does not define who I am as a person, and my husband loves me exactly as I am. Heck, he proposed to me at my heaviest! That, and that I am NOT fat. My life has been two and a half decades of eating well, but not understanding my body, and not knowing that there was such a thing as food intolerance, and that inflammation can wreak havoc on every part of your life. But I know now, and I am on a journey to undo 24 years of ignorance and hopefully help some people on the way.

To finish up today, I found this amazing video with a short accompanying article. To sum it up, Cassey Ho has a youtube channel dedicated to helping people get healthy and learn new workouts. But, people on the internet being as horrible as they’re known to be, would make fun of her body (which is bangin’, so they can go… well, you know) as well as leave other nasty comments. So she did this, and it was brilliant. Enjoy. (Full story in link)

http://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/this-woman-photoshopped-herself-into-the-perfect-body-after#.yv9r8qQQrM

Until next week, have a great time and make healthy choices! And as always, I will respond to comments if you have any. Cheers!

Catch You On the Flip Side

Good morning! First off, I just want to say that yesterday this blog reached 1000 hits!!!! *Dances* Thank you all so much for reading and being so supportive during my journey. It is looking better every day. Now, I have to admit that over the weekend I may or may not have imbibed a lot of alcohol. No St Patrick’s Day quantity, but a couple bottles of wine, and a few homemade Tiramisu martinis, as well as a big serving of Pad Thai. Not on the reservation, but I didn’t gain weight, and after restarting being good, I’m already down a pound. So something is going right! I spent my day yesterday making keto versions of blueberry scones, tzatziki sauce, ‘nacho cheese’ cauliflower bites, and cranberry turkey meatballs. I will say, that tzatziki sauce is great. Like, I kind of ate part of it with a spoon…

If you’re interested in the recipe, I got it from Healthful Pursuit (I’m a little obsessed with her website right now), and you can find it here: http://www.healthfulpursuit.com/2012/08/beef-kebabs-with-chunky-tzatziki/ I need to pick up more beef tomorrow to make it again, because my parents are coming into town this weekend! I’m really excited because since I started working I haven’t seen them at all. So now I get to cook delicious, healthy dishes for them which will include that one, the blueberry scones, and my favorite, bacon wrapped baked asparagus. You see, I was the one who usually made dinner at my house, and after I moved out they are kind of at a loss as to what to do… I feel really bad, but also maybe it will help them decide to move here?? Oh I can hope.

From HealthfulPursuit.com

Anyway, just a reminder that I will be posting every Wednesday now, so I will see you all next week! Have a fantastic weekend, and I hope I have more great news to share! Keep up the good decisions, and don’t beat yourself up over choosing otherwise. Just be happy.

New Announcement!

I am so completely sorry about yesterday. I went to work and planned on doing the blog when I got home, but then I had to run around town doing things like faxing paperwork. Who faxes things anymore? Apparently me and FedEx. So I was gone for about 8 hours, then came home and passed out then made dinner. That was my day and I’m still tired… which sounds really wimpy, but I’m still getting used to this whole physical job thing. From the time I was 17 to the time I was 24 I had a desk job where I didn’t do anything but get in my zone inputting data and listen to audio books. Now I’m walking all over and squatting and lifting heavy things over and over. I’ll get used to it at some point, but that point is not today. Today I have lots of cooking to catch up on as well as books to read for work. It’s another full day, but at least this one I don’t have to leave the apartment for.

So much cooking

Now, since I’ve basically blogged everything I know to now, and it’s just about me keeping up with what’s going on, I think it is going to be best if I post once a week for a while. That gives me enough time to really do something and see a change from it, and give a recap. So from now (or I suppose tomorrow) until further notice, I’ll be posting new content every Wednesday! It would be nice to go back to being a stay at home wife, but I do like my job, and I’m really excited to see where it goes. If that direction is no where, then I’ll be back here posting every day again, but either way I will be okay with the outcome.

Now to be completely honest, I am kind of exhausted and just want to go make my coffee and sit down for a while. It’s a crazy feeling to wake up exhausted, but there you have it. I need to take my D and B vitamins and get out of this rut! I will see you tomorrow with hopefully a better post.