Dealing With the Feels

Hello. My name is (mumbles something) and I am addicted to carbs. About two weeks ago I just went crazy for a few days and my body handled it well, only putting on about 2 lbs (which is impressive with my history), but then it happened. I lost my will to eat well again. I had a plan laid out for me, I was doing amazing on it, then a cheat day turned into a cheat week, turned into my taste buds changing. Now I am sick, with no appetite, and have been this way since Monday night. I binged on sugar and my immune system tanked. Unfortunately, my body responds to no food the same as large amounts of bad food…Meaning, I put weight back on, and I am feeling so down about my body image to the point I couldn’t bring myself to post this week until now. Now I’m easing myself back into it, and will be getting groceries tomorrow to keep on keeping on. Now, being sick, I was supposed to go see my in-laws this weekend, but let’s be honest… I can’t even sleep in my own bed without coughing so hard I feel like throwing up, I can’t imagine being at someone else’s house and trying to take care of this. Plus, I just don’t want to make anyone else feel this way.

I will say, though, I have been making my own cough syrup again, and it works really really well still. Raw honey, apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper. fresh ginger grated, and cinnamon. It’s sweet and tangy, and within ten minutes of taking it, my coughing has subsided. Plus, normal cough medicine upsets my stomach really bad, so all natural ingredients are a gift. So that’s where I am right now. Stuffy and runny nose, coughing, dizzy, and no appetite, all while dealing with feelings of self loathing which are stupid, and should not be an issue. I think my biggest problem is that I was getting so addicted to lifting, then we just stopped. Now I just feel lazy, and thanks to my messed up adrenals, there’s not a lot I can do for workouts at home, aside from walking with Leslie Sansone, or yoga, not that there’s space in this tiny apartment for either. I’m just bummed out.

So here’s my plan. I’m getting back on my meal plan (though tweaking it a little because I wasn’t eating enough), making hubby go to the apartment gym with me no matter how much he complains about how little they have because it’s a heck of a lot more than we have, and we can’t afford a gym membership at the moment, and finally, not getting on the scale until my birthday. That last one is going to be the hardest, but I get so discouraged looking at the numbers. Or I feel like it gives me an excuse to cheat, but that’s a problem, because no matter how well I’m doing, I’m still over 200 pounds, and that’s not ok to me. I have to remind myself that all that food that I want now will still be there when I’ve reached my goal. That’s me for this week. Hope you guys are doing better, and I hope you have a great weekend.

My Apologies

Computer is now in the shop, and could be gone until next week, so this week’s post must be postponed (and while that sounds like it should be a pun, it is definitely not meant that way in any way, shape, or form. Puns….), So until next week, please enjoy an older post that has gotten buried through all the news, but something that still is worth a read. Have a lovely week!

https://iamnotfatblog.wordpress.com/2015/01/30/love-yourself-because-no-one-elses-opinion-really-matters/

And remember

Weekends Are a Pain in the Diet

I did it again… While my family was here I swore to myself that I’d be good, and it started off that way, but you slip back into such bad habits when you’re comfortable. My family even asked that I help them get on to Keto too, and while I was saying yes and speaking highly of it, I was making biscuits and eating chips. Good news is that I only gained two pounds, but the bad news is I have been having a terrible headache on and off for the last few days. That and I haven’t found the will or energy to make the meal plan I was working with. Well, I did, but then realized I was missing a couple of things which led to an exasperated sigh on my part and grabbing some meat and cheese from the fridge to eat instead of grocery shopping.

That being said, until I can get my butt to the store (which will likely be tomorrow since hubby gets paid), I’m just surviving on what I can find in the fridge. Which is a bummer since I was doing so well on my plan. But, on the bright side, sometimes my body needs the off time to get itself over a plateau. So we’ll just go with that for now. Unfortunately, however, we have a family reunion to attend this weekend, which will likely not be kind to our diets. My best hope is to stick to keto things, but restart the plan Monday when we get back.

Aside from all that, I was able to clear out like half my closet of clothes that are too big now! It was hard giving some of them up, because I really liked a few of those pieces, but I needed to so I don’t have a set of ‘comfortable’ clothes that I could slip back into. I will not do that again. Cool thing is I found this awesome site which is also an app (at least on iPhone), that is basically like shopping at Goodwill (which is my favorite for finding good deals), except they’ve sorted out all the nasty clothes for you, leaving you will brand names in great condition for crazy cheap. If you click through that hyperlink, it SHOULD give you $20 for your first purchase and if it doesn’t let me know and I will fix it. But on top of that, they can also send you what they call a clean out bag which is what I did with all my big clothes. If they don’t want to pay me for them, they donate the lot, and it saves me a trip to the local resale shops! If you can’t tell I’m basically obsessed with it right now. I even found a dress on there that I splurged on to celebrate the dropping of sizes! Even if it doesn’t fit right now, I know it will soon enough. Keeping positive!

So that’s about it for this week. Going to go curl up on the couch with some kombucha and watch some funny movies I rented. Have an utterly fabulous day!

Just a Quick Update

My family is coming in today! I couldn’t be happier, especially since the hubby is off on a biking trip that will last him until Sunday. I would really prefer not to be alone until then, so thankfully I won’t have to be. This will be the first time they have seen the new apartment, and since they’re my guests, they get to jump on the keto train for the next few days. I just can’t say that it’s a specific way of eating, or else I’ll get a lecture from one of them, no matter how good or filling it is. Oh well, look to the bright side…. FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT! Oh man, I missed that. So a stack rented from the library, and now to come up with some snacks.

On the everything else front, I’m the lightest I’ve been since the wedding, and fast approaching my ‘big day’ weight once again. I swear, I worked so hard to get to that 220 mark, just to have it gone in a week of married life. But 2 am donut runs will do that to a girl. So, I’m planning to just wave at it as I pass it on the scale on my way down to 200 flat, then beyond. I swear, this eating plan hubster made for me is magic. I did slip up over the weekend at the wedding, but when there’s an open bar and it’s a million degrees out, you reach for that iced concoction to get you through it, and unfortunately that was loaded with sugar. But those pounds are already gone, and I’m only a couple days behind. Gotta live! But I have to say, my clothes are fitting really nice. Pants that used to be too tight are just snug enough to be comfortable without a belt, and as I said in the last post, I have been able to fit into some dresses that I’ve never been able to before. This is one of the few times in my whole life that I have been encouraged on an eating plan without hitting a solid plateau that then became a slide to adding an extra 20+lbs in addition to what I had lost back onto my person. It has been a terribly frustrating way to live, to say the least.

Now to do a mad rush of cleaning before everyone gets here. Have a lovely day!