Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I’m BACK! I am so very sorry for the last two weeks. To be honest I was struggling with the thought of putting the blog down completely because I was getting so frustrated with everything. Not only was I not losing weight, but I was gaining and my clothes weren’t fitting and basically I was an emotional wreck. So husband and I sat down and he had me go to the Keto Calculator to figure out what I needed and why my macros weren’t being fulfilled. I was eating well, and staying keto, but nothing was happening for me and he was losing crazy fast, so I thought “what could it hurt for two weeks?”. He came up with a meal plan for me and I swear to you, after 1 day I was down significantly. I am sticking to the thought that I married a magic man, because it’s been amazing. I’m now under where I was when I ended the Clean Burn Shape cleanse, but without the lack of sleep, emotional turmoil, or being hungry all the time. I’m also down in inches AND fit into a dress yesterday that I have never been able to fit into before. It called for a date night so we went to a stirfry place where we would stay on the diet and then saw Pixels in 3D. It was a good day.

IT FITTTTSSSSS

Also, speaking of good days, I was able to grow my own SCOBY and am now on my 3rd batch, and my 2nd round of flavorings. It is so good and saving us so much money! So far my favorite is ginger peach, but here’s a tip… If you’re going to do this at home adding ginger to your bottles super carbonates it. I’m talking a within a day dealing with ‘a shaken bottle of champagne’ carbonates it. More than once have I sprayed my kitchen with frothy kombucha, much to my husband’s annoyance. But hey, it’s a small price to pay for a healthy body, right? Though I have not stopped ait locking the ginger infused bottles, only covering them to keep the fruit flies out. Because, something I didn’t know, kombucha attracts fruit flies and gnats by the horde. It has been awful. A friend told me about a death trap involving an unused SCOBY, dish soap, and foil poked with tiny holes. I may just have to create one… But for now I’m looking forward to trying my newest batches. Among my flavors I have cherry vanilla, strawberry ginger, and strawberry-vanilla-sriracha. That last one should be quite interesting! I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thank you for being patient with me during the last month of frustrated rants and absences. I am back on track, and praying you’re also doing wonderful on your own journey. Have a most wonderful day!

I’m Closer Than I Was Yesterday

Good morning! So I will start out this post with a very honest confession. My weekend, while extremely fun, was a train wreck for the diet. Copious amounts of alcohol and bread… I was bloated, dehydrated, and feeling terrible. But since being home, we’ve been hitting the weights like a beast, and I’m now up to bench pressing 75lbs, which may not be a lot, but I am extremely excited that it’s more than just the bar! After getting home from the gym Monday, or as we call it “Arm Day part 1”, my muscles were so exhausted that after flopping onto the bed, I was unable to push myself up again. When I tried, my arms gave out, face planting me back into the pillow. I literally had to roll off the side then get back on on my back.  And I’m still hurting today, so hopefully I’ll be doing ok for tomorrow, otherwise known as “Arm Day part 2”.

And while I am watching the weights increase, it’s hard for me to imagine myself any different than what I’ve been for, well, my whole life. No matter what I do, there’s always this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that nothing will change, I’ll always look like this, even though I know that cannot be the case. If I’m changing my life for the better, then I have to see results, which I know I’ve talked about a few times, but it’s honestly my biggest struggle. I have all this knowledge and hours of research into what makes a body healthy and how to treat symptoms of so many things in a natural way, but when applying them to myself it’s this fight of “you’ll never be healthy. Just eat that (insert food here) because normal people can, and one won’t hurt you”. I think the worst part for me is that I just want to be able to do what other people can. Go to someone’s house and they order a bunch of pizzas, and have some sort of grain with milk in the morning, but I just can’t. That’s socially isolating. I’m ‘that girl’.

Okay Arnold…

But when I’m home, by myself, I feel normal. Like this morning I had this amazing french yogurt in a tiny glass jar. It was delicious, great for me, and while higher in carbs than I’d like, I just think of the benefits it holds. When I’m home I can be surrounded by my high quality, delicious foods that my body can handle, but being a social person, being home all the time is a struggle. That’s why my weight is always up and down. I get a handle on everything while I’m home, but the minute we see other people, I slip into their diet habits, mostly because I have no other choice, but sometimes just because I want to be part of the group. I’m sure many of you understand that struggle. I think what I’m going to have to do is come up with a lunchbox of quick foods to get me through the weekend when we go somewhere. Like these delicious little french yogurts!

https://www.facebook.com/saintbenoitcreamery

On top of everything, I think I need to do something calming like yoga or, really, anything that will help destress me. Lately I’ve felt the anger building inside and I have no idea why. Well, I know reasons why it might be, like a small, dark apartment I can’t seem to keep clean for the life of me, a job that doesn’t pay near enough to pay my bills, and an overwhelming amount of debt that we’re working through. I used to be able to release the stress with a little bit of retail therapy, but the last 2-3 paychecks have gone completely to bills without making a dent. That’s over a month of feeling like I have nothing to show for my hours dedicated to work. Yeah, no wonder I’ve been stressed and depressed, and unable to lose weight. *sigh* I just need to relax. So on that note, I think I’m going to go make a coffee and watch some Netflix for a bit before trying to tackle the house once again.

Not Easy, But Always Worth

Good morning and happy Wednesday to you all! So since last week I’ve finally started lifting. Only small plates right now, but I’ll be honest, it’s kind of addicting! I’m always looking forward to arm day, though tomorrow may be a different story since we’re spending the entire day at an amusement park, but hubby insists he is still going to the gym after. I just say we’ll see how we’re feeling, though it is set to rain tomorrow which I am bummed about. Aside from that, I’ve lost half an inch on my hips and a full inch on my thighs which is awesome. But me being me, I work out a couple days and expect to see results, and get disappointed when nothing is there, or rather, everything is still there… After the last time I rage quit, though, I promised myself that I would be rational about it this time. If I’m working out and building muscle, there is no way I can stay the same forever. My body is f’ed up and so it may take longer, but better late than never, right?

The other new thing is I started trying MCT oil (Medium Chain Triglycerides) . I was really nervous about trying it since I am severely allergic to coconut, but since it’s pure fat, it’s been so far so good with it… At least in the allergy department. Here’s the thing about using MCT for the first time, and this will be TMI but you need to know if you’re going to try it, when starting, it can cause bad stomach cramps and terrible diarrhea (is there any other kind, though?) for the first few days. It also gives me a tinge of a scratchy throat for a few hours after drinking it, but the things I’ve found online say that this should all go away as my body gets used to it. Which, the only thing I still deal with is the scratchy throat, thank god. And if it works the way it’s supposed to for me, I will be looking at a quick energy source, help with muscle building, reducing fat storage, and help burning more calories faster, as well as:

Unfortunately, I have a problem getting my needed calories per day at the moment. I was getting to know what I needed at a resting rate, but now with my job and hitting the gym 4 days a week, I’m eating about 500 calories fewer than my body needs, since I average around 1100 a day out of habit. So my challenge for the week is getting over my mindset of eating less, and get some food in this body for fuel. Don’t want my body eating the muscle I’m working so hard to build, now do we? So on that note, I’m going to go figure something out for my first meal of the day since my lemon water is almost done now. Have a wonderful day and keep up the great work!