Dear Diary,

Sorry that my posts have seemed so down recently. Ever since the CBS I have been going through bouts of weepiness and I’m just frustrated with so much right now. Always at the forefront of that frustration is the inability to lose weight. I have 100 pounds that can easily be shed (well, at least half of that should be easy, after that is where my body should be), but nothing changes. Then there’s the frustration that I’m limited in hours in my job and I just want to jump in with both feet, but am being held back during my 6 month trial period so that they can make sure I’m a right fit before they commit to me. That, and my husband has jokingly said that what I make there isn’t really enough to make a difference in our finances, so I’m stuck here wondering why I’m even working when it doesn’t matter if I’m doing it or not. At least if I’m home I can keep it clean and have dinner on the table when he gets home. Now I feel like I’m still expected to do what I did before but with a job too. I’ll be honest, I’m no Cinderella. I love cooking, yes, but when it comes to cleaning, I don’t start caring until it gets pretty obvious that things need to change, or that we’re having people over. People coming over means spotless and everything organized like it’s never been before. I’m talking like all my makeup neatly organized into a grid of perfection. Anyway, there’s that and I’m stressing about the new apartment, since it’s much older and MUCH cheaper… I don’t want to have to deal with ‘the upstairs neighbor’ issue everyone seems to deal with.

So, there are days I just want to give up, throw on my sweat pants, order a giant pizza, grab a bottle of wine, and just have a good cry. Not care about the carbs, or the intolerances for once. Just eat a pizza, by myself, with my bottle of wine, and go on with my life. That’s the kind of day I’m wanting. Maybe it’s just something I need to do. Just take a day to throw a pity party, then get myself back in gear. Or do I just fight through it and work out even harder? (but not so hard I make myself sick. Stupid adrenals and your stupid issues…) *sighs* I just don’t know. I know I need something to kick me out of this funk though. I’ll think about it today, maybe have someone talk me off the cliff, because I honestly have Domino’s website up right now… I guess you’ll know tomorrow!